


Dirty

by FairyNiamh



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Not Beta Read, Sex Education, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 10:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11289099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyNiamh/pseuds/FairyNiamh
Summary: Colin asks Harry for advice on Sex.





	Dirty

When Colin had asked Harry for sex advice' he'd been flattered. He just didn’t know that the advice would start at the basement level.

"Kisses are different, are hugs?" Colin asked innocently with a tilt of his head.

'Below basement level,' he amended his thought, "Well, there are tighter hugs, longer hugs, and they can mean different things, too."

"And talking dirty, can that really turn someone on?" he asked anxiously, making Harry compare him to an over-eager puppy being proud that it used the pad instead of the rug.

"It doesn’t work on everyone, but there are a number of people, at least seem to enjoy it," he hedged the answer. If he were to be honest, he was ready to pass Colin on to Madame Pomfrey and be done with it. She at least had booklets to help her in educating young minds.

"Oh, I wanna try. Tell me what you think;' he announced before clearing his throat in preparation of talking dirty, "'I want to roll around in mud and smear it all over the walls.' Does that work?"

Harry tried not to laugh or groan at the attempt. It was certainly dirty, but not in the traditional sense. This would be harder than he first thought. When the bell rang, he wanted to cry tears of joy.

"I'm not sure I can give you the proper knowledge, but I can direct you to help. You could visit Madame Pomfrey, I know, embarrassing. I admit to _not_ using her. You could see the Weasley Twins. Fred and George helped me find out a few things about myself. They are pranksters though and you will have to decide if what they say is correct. The last is a ghost. Her name is Laura Bell, she can usually be found around Hagrid's place. She likes talking with him. She will give you the bare facts, there is no sugar coating with her. If you visit her, you should bring Licorice or Caramel; they're her favorite sweets."

"Why would you bring her sweet if she's dead?"

"Do you have a favorite treat, from before Hogwarts?"

"Yes, Toffo, but they don’t make them anymore?" Colin said with a deep frown.

"Right, did you enjoy the smell?" Harry asked in a hurry, trying to escape the torture.

"Yes."

"So, if someone gave you some, you would still be happy with it, even though you know it's not safe to eat?"

"Of course!" he exclaimed, as if offended by the line of questioning.

Harry smiled and patted his head, "Now, do you understand why you should bring her the treats if you visit?"

"Yeah, I wish you had more time to teach me," he sighed forlornly.

"I know," he said with a tight smile before making a hasty retreat. That would be the first, last, and only time he would accept the request for help of a personal nature. He just did not have the guts to stomach things like that.

He knew if the boy dared to approach the twins, they would seek out revenge and punish him for his slight. He kind of hoped that he would visit them. They hadn't called on Harry in more than a fortnight. Well, at least he had something to look forward to... maybe.

Anything had to be better than the humiliation he had just lived through.

~Fin~


End file.
